What I want?

An empty brain (or rather an idle mind) is a devils’ workshop, all of us have grown up hearing about this adage. As everyone believes it, so do I. These days in Iceland, I have nothing to do and so have had my brain empty, so as to say. But rather than making it a devils workshop, I have made it to dwell and think deeply on what I was and what I am now. It’s also famously said, one must find some time for self introspection as you are your best judge. Unfortunately, I have never done any self introspection but I have found time for that long pending talk with myself here. And I promise, I have got some results.

I was talking to Varun last week, he is one of the most ambitious persons I know and just talking to him, fills me with energy and a desire to work hard towards my goal. I have a predilection to just lay back & relax unless someone pushes me. He is one of those pushers and motivators. He did it, for my internship in Iceland and my visit here in December, otherwise I would have just stayed in India at the first place and then wouldn’t have asked my advisor about December as well. Thanks a lot, varun.

Continuing, during that conversation, he told me that he had realized what he wanted the most in life. It’s not a high earning job, admission in IIM, and not even a super sexy, hot girlfriend but a degree from Ivy league. One part of me was happy but the other was confused. In a sense, I was happy that my friend had found out his desire in life, at least for the time being. But I didn’t know what I wanted the most in life, it had me confused. It was as close to being depressed and lost and don’t knowing where to go.

Luckily I had time and I wanted to think, I wanted to prioritize, I wanted to chalk out a plan to accomplish those priorities, and in short I wanted to know myself. I wanted to know, what could get me satisfied, what could make me happy even beyond the boundaries of happiness. Suddenly a thought came to my mind, its not the destination that I seek, I want the journey to be enjoyable. I want it to be memorable. If I think about what I wanted 5 years back, I can say that I accomplished some of the things that I wanted, most importantly I have accomplished the important ones. But still, I want more & would this desire for more, end somewhere. But this self talk helped me realize one of my funny dispositions.

I think, that if one day, I have this I would be happy. It all starts like this,……………..why would I tell you people, what I want. Its personal, u know!!!!
Thanks for reading……………